I WANT to be a happy person.
For years I allowed voices in my head to crowd out that happiness. I debated (in my head) with people that I thought had hurt me or angered me. I seemed to constantly be arguing with someone; saying the things I thought I should have said; rehearsing conversations that would never take place.
One day I realized that I was creating my own unhappiness. With those heated conversations consuming me, there would be no room in my head for those things I so valued: creativity, compassion, and contentment.
I needed to let go. Let go of hurts real and imagined. Let go of people who did not want to be in my life. Let go of people who should not be in my life. Only I could control the negativity.
Those negative voices were my own creation. They were not the legacy I wanted. I needed to make room in my head for the ideas and thoughts that would help me build the life I wanted for my senior years. My metaphor: I needed to weed the garden in my mind. I needed silence to fertilize the life I wanted to create for myself. No one else could do this for me. No one else was responsible for me.
I work daily at silencing the voices through meditation, breathing, and focusing on those things in my life that I can control. The pain and disappointment that others bring are out of my control. I GIVE voice to my pain, literally and through my writing, but then I have to take a deep breath and let go.
Deep breath. Let go. Deep breath. Let go.